Preparing for a Funeral Service

What Does "Get Prepared" Really Mean?

Preparing to attend a funeral, memorial service, or celebration of life involves more than simply deciding what to wear. It is also important to take time to prepare yourself emotionally and mentally for the experience, as these gatherings can bring a wide range of feelings and emotions.

Your presence and support can mean a great deal to the family and friends of the person being remembered. To help make preparation easier, we have organized the following information into two sections: Dressing for the Occasion and Preparing Physically, Mentally, and Emotionally.

Dressing the Occasion

Funeral attire has evolved significantly over the years. While past generations often followed strict mourning traditions and dress codes, modern funeral services generally call for clothing that is respectful, modest, and appropriate for the occasion.

Dark or neutral colors are still commonly worn, but black is no longer considered a requirement. In most cases, it is best to avoid overly bright colors, bold patterns, or casual attire unless the family has requested something specific. The most important consideration is choosing clothing that reflects respect for the person being honored and their loved ones.

If you have questions about appropriate funeral attire, our staff is always available to help.

Get Physically, Mentally, and Emotionally Prepared

The loss of a loved one can be one of life’s most challenging experiences. In the days following a death, emotions are often intense, routines are disrupted, and it can be difficult to find the rest and balance needed to navigate the grieving process.

Attending or participating in a funeral service during this time can feel overwhelming, especially while coping with grief. The following suggestions are intended to provide support and guidance as you care for yourself and move through this difficult period.

Maintain a state of "mindful awareness."

The tendency when something bad happens to us, like the death of a loved one, is to detach from our physical, emotional and social selves. To "get numb, and stay that way" - but this effort to separate ourselves from what's happening isn't always in our best interest. Instead, you should seek to be "mindful": to keep your awareness on the present moment (not the past, and certainly not the future); all the while acknowledging (and accepting) your feelings, thoughts, and bodily reactions to your loss. Only then can you, in the words of Reinhold Niebuhr's Serenity Prayer, accept the things that cannot be changed, have the courage to change the things which can (and should) be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other. Certainly, you cannot change the fact your loved one has died; but you can change (at least to some degree) the way you react to the loss—and that takes a certain sense of mindful self-awareness.

Do everything you can to stay physically healthy.

The list of physical symptoms of grief is long: fatigue, body aches and pains, loss or change of appetite, shortness of breath, digestive issues, feelings of heaviness, and tightness in your throat or chest. When faced with an onslaught of physical symptoms like these, it's hard to know exactly how to deal with them. The first step is to recognize and name what your body is experiencing. Only then can you do something to change the way you're reacting to the loss. During these days before the funeral:

• Stay hydrated: drink eight (8-ounce) glasses of water.
  
• Eat regularly: small meals and snacks are often better accepted than large, calorie-laden ones.
  
• Rest regularly: you may find nights are long and sleepless, so don't be adverse to taking short catnaps throughout the day.
  
• Move your body: take a walk or hike, go to the gym, or enjoy a leisurely swim.
  
• Nurture your senses: listen to music or the sounds that abound in nature.
  
• Engage in prayer or meditation: tap into, or get reacquainted with, your spiritual side.
  
• Reduce your list of necessary activities and chores: now is the time to delegate tasks to others, so you can devote your time to self-care.

Reach out to your support network.

Neighbors, friends and family members can be your lifeline right now—and some of them may even be coming to you right now to see how they can help. Don't turn them away; instead, give them the opportunity to give the gift of service. Allow them to walk this path with you for as long as, and in whatever ways, they can. The same goes for the network of professional caregivers: don't neglect to turn to clergy, your family physician, therapist, or grief counsellor if you feel your bereavement to be more than you can handle (now, or at any time in the future).

Prepare to speak less and listen more.

End-of-life ceremonies (whether a "traditional" funeral, memorial service, or celebration of life) offer those gathered the chance to share their feelings, tell stories and take comfort from one another. Don't spend too much time talking, unless it's to share something truly meaningful (about the deceased and your relationship to him or her) with others; instead, be ready to listen with a whole heart. This is a time for respectful interactions with other mourners; a time for focusing on the life of the deceased, and also a time for renewing the ties which brought you all together in the first place.

Personalized Farewells for Every Journey

Every life is unique, and we’re committed to helping you plan a tribute that truly honors that uniqueness.